Sisters

One of the most fascinating things about being a mother is observing how my children differ as well as how they are similar.

This morning I overheard Abigail tell Anna, "You say, 'May I please have a cookie?' Okay?"

Abigail wasn't teaching Anna manners. She was playing a game which involved a few of our vast collection of cooking toys. Abigail was asking Anna to say a particular phrase as part of their acting out having a meal.

The thing that struck me about this simple interaction was that Abigail is not yet four. Joshua, who is just six, still does not use this device (of telling the other person what to say) in his play very often. He will tell the other children what they should be and do: "You be a polar bear and follow me" or "You be Zaccheus and climb the tree and I will be Jesus..." But I cannot think of an instance when he has told anyone what to say although he does willingly follow Anna's instructions when she tells him what to say.

Anna, on the other hand, at times is so full of instructions for what everyone else should say as they play together that I wonder if she might one day become a playwright! "You say, 'I can see a little girl holding a doll.' " or "You say, 'That's a pretty dress.' " or (as she said just a moment ago) "You say, 'Darling!' " ad infinitum. It seems that Anna is always the star of the action, and she is bent upon having her siblings narrate her life at her behest. I always assumed the differences between Anna and Joshua were mostly because of their different genders.

Now, Anna is almost five. A while back she was busy telling stories, but she moved on to this form of demanded conversation in her play a few months ago, perhaps a bit before Christmas I think, when she was about four and a half. The thing that interests me is that Abigail has begun using this "you say" device in her play at a much earlier age than Anna ever did. She is at least six months ahead of Anna in this regard. Has Abigail just learnt the device through imitation of her older sibling? Or is she inherently more advanced in this particular area of development?

One observation I have is that Abigail's "you say" instructions are actually very different to Anna's. While Anna just wants everyone else to describe her actions, Abigail wants to draw Anna (and the others) into a conversation, into an imaginary game that involves more than just one person who is the star of the action. Now this is quite a marked difference and I definitely do see that it is related to their personalities.

Anna has always been demanding, from the moment she was born with an Apgar of 10 (maxing out her first test!) and latched on to feed - for half an hour solid - within moments of being held in my arms. She cried more; she banged her head and had to be taught to squeeze her hands together to calm down; she could call out her own name at an astonishing 4 months. And I see Anna's version of this "you say" play as yet another aspect of her demanding, self-centred way of doing things. (Don't get me wrong, she is growing into a lovely and very loving girl, but she does still have this baseline attitude.)

In contrast, Abigail has always been interested in pleasing others and doing what she thinks will keep them happy. Except for the aberration of turning breech at 35 weeks gestation, thereby almost earning for herself the name "Mary", as in, "Quite Contrary", Abigail has truly always been "her father's joy", just as her name means in Hebrew. She was a quieter baby, and she was much slower to learn to crawl and then walk than the other two, because she was content to just sit. When she was 8 months old we took her on an international holiday to England and Singapore for four weeks and she spent hours bundled up in a carry pack on my chest without complaining nearly as much as her older siblings who spent a lot of time in the pram. When her dummy was unceremoniously taken away soon after we moved to Perth, she had no complaints - not like her older sister who screamed for hours in the next bedroom (they had their dummies taken at the same time or Anna would steal Abigail's). Other skills Abigail has learnt earlier than her siblings, such as getting dressed on her own: Abi was choosing her clothes and getting herself dressed completely while Anna, 13 months older, was still asking for help to get into everything. Abi learnt to climb trees early because she wanted to be up there with the others.

Now, she is again following in Anna's footsteps. But Abigail is putting her own twist to things, because rather than make the game all about herself, as Anna does, she makes the game all about the other person, getting them to play and have fun. What a lovely thing to observe!

Thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity to watch my children closely, so that I really know them intimately. Thank you for Abigail's desire for other people to have joy. You know my children much better than I. Please keep watching over them, loving them with your amazingly big love. Please help Abigail keep her love for others and make it grow as she does. Amen.