The kids and I just came home from a fantastic lunch and afternoon play at Synergy Parkland in Kings Park with a friend and her sons from BSF. The kids roamed over Lycopod Island and its fort and then we moved them on to the Aurthur Fairall playground where they ran up and down the Windy Walkway pretending to hunt crocodiles and rhinoceroses.
Meanwhile P and I chatted about life in Australia and how different it is from the life she was used to in South Africa, where she immigrated from 15 months ago. I've been married for about 7 and a half years, I have four kids all still under compulsory schooling age, and I have learnt a lot in this short time. My experience has been very different to my friend's, who before she immigrated here had two or three maids plus an au pair. So we shared adice, and I thought of some more one the way home but before I post it I have to admit, I haven't learnt everything! I still don't notice every single crayon that is left by the girls on the lounge room floor, right where Samuel's playpen goes, as the following shows (I took this five minutes ago):
So with that admission, here's my best advice:
Look at mothering and homemaking etc as a job. Spend time working out systems to make this job more efficient. This will almost certainly include asking for advice from more experienced wives and mothers, and reading advice from others in books and web sites. Consider this essential "professional development"! But don't stop at listening to and reading advice - get in there and start practicing what you have learnt.
This job has three core tasks, the 3 Cs: caring, cooking and cleaning.
1a. Caring for your husband:
~ The Bible says "the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33) and wives should "love their husbands" (Titus 2:4); these two things are how a wife cares for her husband. Work out good ways to show your husband that you respect and love him. Men are all different, but all husbands need to be secure in the respect of their wives, knowing that they are held in high esteem by the woman who is closest to them. Obedient submission to one's own husband is a very clear way of demonstrating respect. So too is encouragement rather than disparagement, when speaking about your husband's ideas and actions with him or with other people; do not ever gossip about your husband! We show love through speech and service. A wife should tell her husband she loves him ("I love you", "I am proud of you for...", "I really appreciate that you...") and also show him (be eager to spend time with him, be hospitable to his friends, know his tastes and plan your dress and activities accordingly, be diligent in your wifely and household responsibilities, write him notes or give him gifts as you are able, hug and kiss him, make love willingly and well).
1b. Caring for your children:
~The Bible also tells women to "love their children" (Titus 2:4). Again, we show love through speech and service. A mother should tell her children she loves them openly and often. A mother should also show her children that she loves them with her actions. This means cuddling and kisses and spending time playing with them, and it also means discipling them carefully in the way of the LORD, bringing them up in the right way but not exasperating them by demanding too much or expecting too little (Ephesians 6:4). The best way of doing this (that I have found) is through a structured, planned routine. A mother needs to pay careful attention to each of her children to observe their interests, appreciate their abilities and identify their weaknesses and needs and then plan for their days and weeks accordingly. When will you spend time together? What will you do with them? What will they do on their own? What will you teach them skills and attitudes as well as knowledge? How will you bring them up to fear and love the LORD? How will you teach them? (and these are not just questions for homeschooling mums, they are for every mother who knows she will make an impact in her child's life and wants it to be a positive one.)
2. Cooking and 3. Cleaning: I'll post these ASAP, maybe tomorrow.
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